So, Emotional Intelligence.....some people have it, others don't, but the good news is that we can all learn to become more emotionally intelligent? Why would we bother? What on earth is Emotional Intelligence anyway? If you have never heard of this term, then now, is the ideal time to acquaint yourself with it. I'm David Walker, and you are listening to The Quiet Mind.
(Music)
Thank you so much for joining me again for our second episode, where we are going to dive right in and talk about this thing called Emotional Intelligence, and why it can be a blessing and a curse.
I first became aware of the term when I happened to bump into a friend of mine who was attending a leadership training course. It was her first day on the course, and she explained to me that they had been learning all about Emotional Intelligence.
This was a very strange concept to me, and so I asked her what it involved. When she explained it to me, it seemed to me that Emotional Intelligence was simply a fancy term for being nice to people, however as I have gone through my life, I have learned that Emotional Intelligence is a whole lot more than this and that in my opinion, it's one of the most important qualities that a person can have, as it can have so many positive and beneficial effects on our lives, and on the lives of those around us.
It's so important, that in retrospect, I should probably have made this the very first podcast because Emotional Intelligence encompasses just about everything when we start to delve into the subject of mental health and mental well-being.
So what is Emotional Intelligence? - Well, generally speaking, it is the ability to understand, use, and manage our own emotions in positive ways to relieve stress, communicate effectively, empathize with others, overcome challenges and defuse conflict.
There is an American psychologist/author and Journalist by the name of Daniel Goleman, who is credited as being one of the first individuals to coin the term, and to bring it into common use.
He determined that there are 4 key parts to Emotional Intelligence and that these are: Self- Awareness, Self Regulation, Empathy, and Social skills. So let's discuss each of these a bit more, so we can identify how they can be helpful in our daily lives and interactions with others.
Self-Awareness – Knowing what we are feeling and why we are feeling it. This provides us with insight into ourselves which helps us to reason and make good decisions and also provides us with a strong moral compass. Understanding ourselves enables us to better understand others, and this makes us more compassionate.
Self-Regulation – Is extremely important, as this is what allows us to keep check of our emotions. It's what allows us to stop and think before we speak or act out, and it can help us to successfully diffuse confrontational situations, and crucially, it is what prevents us from letting our anxieties take over us. This is why at the beginning of this episode, I mentioned that Emotional Intelligence can be either a blessing or a curse. because if we are not able to self-regulate, then being highly sensitive to our own emotions, including our negative emotions, could risk leading us to develop anxiety and depression. People who think deeply and feel deeply, are very susceptible to depression and anxiety, and so with this heightened personal awareness, there is a need for greater self-regulation.
Empathy – This is how we take everything that our self-awareness has taught us about ourselves so that we can successfully “Read” people and interpret their emotions accurately. Empathy is what helps us build a strong connection to those around us, it's what makes us good listeners and successful communicators, and ultimately build better relationships.
Social Skills – Here, we are pretty much using all of our Self -Awareness, Self-Regulation and empathy, and bringing all of these qualities together in all of our social contact with others. This is what makes us good people to be around. It makes us fair, reasonable, honest, considerate, compassionate, level-headed, understanding and calm.
Now I don't know about you, but that sounds like exactly the kind of person I would like to be, and it's certainly the kind of person I would enjoy being in the company of.
So how can we develop greater emotional intelligence? Well, there are a number of different techniques that we can practice which will help us to develop our awareness of ourselves and others.
One technique is to practice meditation. This is simply about sitting quietly and at peace, focussing on our breathing, and identifying how we are feeling in our own minds and bodies. We will discuss meditation in more detail in another podcast because it is such an important tool to improve our mental health and well-being. There are a number of benefits to meditation, firstly it helps us to relax, physically and mentally, but regular meditation teaches us how to identify our feelings and emotions in a kind of neutral way, without judgement, and it also helps us to remain detached from our emotions, so that the emotions don't control us. Meditation is a very empowering practice, and is the basis from which we learn about our body and mind.
Another technique is to help others. This could be offering to volunteer at a local food bank, doing something for charity, volunteering for a befriending service, or even something as simple as just being there for someone when they are going through difficult times. Helping others is a powerful way for us to get a different perspective on our own problems and anxieties. There are always others worse off than ourselves, and recognising this, helps us to reframe our own problems, and feel gratitude for the things we do have. We are also hard-wired to feel good when we do good things for others.
And this is why Emotional Intelligence is so important, because it helps us to be better people, and that is good for us and everyone around us. And this is one of the reasons that over the last a good few years now, employers have been adjusting their screening processes for potential new candidates, to gauge their level of Emotional Intelligence, because there is a wide appreciation of the positive impact this can have on staff morale, motivation, productivity, and staff retention. And this is also why my friend was being taught this on her leadership course. If all of our leaders and bosses were highly emotionally intelligent, I wonder what kind of impact this would have on stress levels in the workplace and the levels of sickness absence. I would go even further and suggest that we should be introducing this kind of teaching to our children, at an early stage of their development.
So thank you for joining me for this podcast, and I hope that you now have an understanding of the importance of Emotional Intelligence, and the part it can play in helping all of us to be better versions of ourselves. I have put links to some of the references contained in this pod+cast, in the description box, but if you have enjoyed listening, and if you feel it has been of some value, then please subscribe to the podcast, and also join us on our social media platforms. I would love to hear from you about your own experiences of anxiety, and any techniques that you have found useful, and please feel free to drop me a message about anything we have discussed or anything you would like me to discuss in future episodes.
But until next time, stay safe, breathe and be grateful.
I'm David Walker, and you have been listening to The Quiet Mind.
(Music)